What is the difference between a reaction and a response?
A reaction is automatic; it is built-in. Somebody smiles; you smile. Somebody is angry; you become angry. The other creates it. You simply react.
A response is conscious. The other may be angry, but you decide whether to be angry or not.
Buddha was passing a village. A few people who were against him gathered and they insulted him very deeply. He listened silently, very patiently. In fact, because of his patience, the people started becoming restless. They started feeling uncomfortable, because if you insult a man and he listens as if it is music, something is wrong. What is happening? They started looking at each other.
Then one person asked Buddha: ’What is the matter? Don’t you understand what we are saying?’
Then one person asked Buddha: ’What is the matter? Don’t you understand what we are saying?’
Buddha said: ’Because I can understand, that’s why I am so silent. Had you come ten years before, then I would have jumped on you. Then there was no understanding. Now I understand. And for your foolishness, I cannot punish myself. It is for you to decide to insult or not, but it is my freedomto take it or not. You cannot force your insults on me. I simply refuse them; they are not worth it. You can take them back home; I refuse to take them.’
The people were bewildered. They couldn’t understand what the matter was. They said: ’Please explain to us.’
He said: ’Sit down and listen to me. In the last village I just passed, people had come with sweets and garlands but my stomach was full, so I told them: ”I won’t be able to eat anything. Please take your gifts back and give them to the other people in the town as prasad – my gift to the people of the town.” What do you think they did?’
Somebody said: ’They would have gone into the village and distributed the sweets.’
Buddha said: ’Now listen – what will you do? You come with insults and I say that my stomach is full, and I am not going to take these. Now, poor people, unfortunate people, what will you do? You will have to go and distribute them in the village.’
Buddha is responding. You react. He simply laughed. And the thing that he said is very beautiful.
He said: ’For your foolishness I cannot punish myself. You can be foolish; that is your freedom. But why should I punish myself? Once I take your insult, I start punishing myself.’
When you are angry, you punish yourself for the other’s fault. Reaction is unaware. Response is a fully alert phenomenon. But you cannot just move from reaction to response. It is not a decision. Between the two, self-remembering is needed, awareness is needed. Otherwise, before you have known, you have reacted. Somebody insults you, and before you have known, you are already angry. The anger has entered in. It is such a subtle phenomenon. Very deep awareness is needed, remembering is needed.